are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
