hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
