it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
