Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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