on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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