how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
