Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
