We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
