The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
