I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
