think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize