Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
