Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
