I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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