Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
