Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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