i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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