my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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