I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think i got beer on your cat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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