the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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