Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
