then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
