he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
