Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
