Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
