so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My vagina is officially offended.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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