Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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