I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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