Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Randomize
