so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
only if we run a train.
done.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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