No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
