I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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