so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
