Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
