no, he came in my armpit
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize