Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
