I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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