I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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