Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
