Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
