How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
