She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
