I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
