Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
