I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
