Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
