Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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