Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
