the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
send nudes
from the living room?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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