my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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