dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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