pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
