so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
