somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
