who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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