Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
