If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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