Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
