I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
