I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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