Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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