just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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