I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
