dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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