I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
