you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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