thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
