A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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