Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
