You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?