Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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