Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
