You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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