Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
