this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
