Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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