you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
