Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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