you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
