Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
