You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
