i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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